dec. 9, 2013

I get to a certain point after a while of internal torment to where I get cold hearted. I won’t care about you, I’ll ignore you and you know that’s when I’ve been hurt and I’m done. Well, I grew cold this morning. What happens is I usually end up going insane. My chest goes numb and I forget to feel and breathe and fight for myself to win this mental & emotional war inside. I needed to just let out everything. I said what I needed to say no matter how it made me or the other person feel. I basically shed all my emotions so that I didn’t hold back. And even though words hurt, sometimes you can’t keep them inside anymore. Because what you keep inside haunts you and will eat at you and eat at you until you are nothing and I couldn’t let that keep happening to me. I couldn’t hold it in anymore and I was done being afraid. It hurts tonight and it will hurt tomorrow but I felt myself grow cold this morning & I won’t let my soul continue to rot. I will have a fire in my heart that will withstand the wind, rain, sleet and snow , whatever life has to throw at me and I will be alive again. I will. Just wait.

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