Jan. 3, 2017                                                      An open letter to myself.

Good morning dear self, 

How are you feeling today? 

Take a moment. 

Breathe. 

Listen. 

Take your fingertips and run them across your collar. 
Bone dry. 
Today, there’s no pools collected from the rivers in your chest. 
This is a good sign.
What is your heart telling you? What is your mind telling you? What are they whispering behind your back? 
Check ins. 
Kristina, you’re getting through this. 

You may not think you’re doing well at times but go to the bedroom and look in the mirror. 

Take a minute to stare at yourself. 
You’re still here. 

The fire in your veins is wafting out your sockets. They can still see the smoke signals.
Look at you. 

I’m so proud of us. 
You are fighting. 

Bloody knuckles beating on the beasts. 
You’ve fought some of the toughest battles even when you thought you could no longer get up on your own two feet.
The collapse of your heart when you picked up that phone call to feel the weight of death that strangled loud screams from your lungs. 

Remember the way that lover could make you feel. She’s still in the stardust all around you. 
You still pick yourself up out of bed every morning.

 Even after the love of your former life made you believe you’d wake up next to her for the rest of yours and then left you for someone she barely even knew. Those three and a half years weren’t a waste.
You drove yourself mad with that one. 
I know you still go to feel the abalone ring that is no longer there. That’s okay, you’ll learn to forget.
You deserve the good. 

You also deserve to learn the good out of what comes with the bad.

Because 

how. 

else. 

will.

 you. 

learn? 
Here you are trying. 

Here you are making the most of the cards life has dealt you thus far.
Royal flush.
I’m so proud of you. 
All my heart, mind, body, soul. 
Blood, sweat and tears.
Forever yours. Self.

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