Dec. 30, 2016
*Side note: It is Feb. 10, 2017 as I transfer these words from my notebook.
Odd as it is, I am currently listening to Daughter as I was during this train ride.
When she said she wouldn’t be where she is today without me I had imagined her folding me down to a stepping stone.
When she was done with me I hurled myself here across the ocean.
Worn down. Tossed effortlessly away.
Smooth and flat. Withering away from all the hands that have touched me in the past.
I cant rid the markings she carved into me.
I cant rid the taste of her out of my mouth.
She’s in the coffee I sip in the early morning sun.
The cigarettes I chain smoke.
I had to switch from the baby blues because they tasted too much like her.
I had quit for three years before I met her.
Jus another vice.
Like an undiscovered disease,
theres no cure for her.
She’s in my veins.
In the follicles from which I cant bear to let my hair grow from just yet.
Its just myself tossing and turning over in this bed on the train.
I’m suddenly remembering my dreams… Why am I remembering my dreams?
They’re filled with the two of them.
Does she love you better than I could?
Does she give you more than I could?
Theres this giant void I cannot fill no matter how I try.
A warning sign. Caution tape over the sink hole.
These prescriptions only last so long.
The void will still be there, especially when everything starts slowing down.
It will still be there.